A little background on my situation. I'm new to these forums, but I've been lurking for a long time reading. It took me until now to be able to open up to what's happening with me (even to nameless strangers on the internet)
I'm an AD O-3 with 15 years total time in service, 10 years active duty. I started my career as an enlisted reservist, and then crossed over in 2009 as an AD officer. Everything in my career was perfect until June of 2015. When I say perfect, I literally was THAT guy. NCO of the quarter at the Squadron, NCO of the Wing, CGO of the Quarter, GGO of the Year, award this, accolade that, #1 strat the whole nine years. My reputation was one of being strict, but fair. I've sent as many Airman to OTS as I have sent them back to the civilian world. I genuinely cared about the people under my charge.
In June of 2015 an event happened and I was under OSI investigation. Not wanting to go into the details of the event, the reader's digest version of it is: I was investigated for 8.5 months and no charges were ever preferred (not even a Article 32 hearing); however, due to the investigation I lost custody of my daughter.
I entered mental health treatment in March of 2015 for a work related issue, but luckily for me I was in treatment when the investigation happened.
In September of 2015, my world exploded, I had a massive bout of insomnia (100+ hours) and was sent to a VA Pysche Ward. That event, coupled with the on-going OSI investigation, drastically changed me. I basically withdrew from the world, was on more medication than I can remember (But some of the highlights include Lexapro, Trazedone, Vistrol, Seroquel, Doxepin, Remeron, & Zolpidem)
As the days turned into weeks turned into months, I began struggling cognitively with reading, function, etc. Several times during this period I took 5-12 days of leave (I had 70+ in the bank) which was totally out of character for me. I withdrew from my family, my marriage started to suffer, I began to get highly confrontational with anyone who got involved with me. A few times during this period I began cutting, basically practicing for a suicide attempt.
Fast Forward to Feb 2016, when the investigation closed, and I got orders to depart my duty station; which ultimately forced me to leave my daughter behind in foster care. I will note, that even though this investigation not a single piece of paper was given to me; not so much as a verbal counseling/LOC nothing.
I thought getting to my new duty station would help the situation, however, it didn't. I've been in treatment here (sometimes as many as x3 per week). I got tagged for a deployment, but my Mental Health team no-go'd that. I got a second deployment and they no-go'd that as well. At that point my commander initiated a CDE, but my mental health team basically trumped that and went right to an I-RILO.
My I-RILO was supposed to be off the base NLT 13 Feb; however, my doctor told me on Tuesday he still wasn't done with my NARSUM (even though he sword he'd be done with it).
I know they say you have to trust the process, but right now I'm not doing well mentally. I have periods of 40-50 hours where even on 4 different medications I get 0 hours of sleep. I've gained 35 pounds since October, and I doubt I am going to be able to maintain physical standards anymore. Coupled with my mental health disorder, I suffer from debilitating migraines where the room spins and I vomit. I have to take Nadolol and Amitriptyline nightly or I can't function the next day, and I have been described Zolmitriptan for migraines. I've also had my left shoulder operated on twice, and last April had to have an anchor in my upper arm to repair the bisceps tendon. So, my brain and my body have seen better days.
After all this time, I basically have no friends left because I just explode on people for no reason, my wife and I are divorcing, my career is shit-canned I've been told I will be a "Do Not Promote" on my PRF for Major this year due to the fact I'm not deployable and my leadership can't count on me to perform my job (which is odd, because they give me the hardest projects and then give me kudos in writing afterwards)
I don't want to be the guy who gives up on his career, but really at this point should I be directing my efforts to my post-military life? I'm just terrified that I will get separated without benefits and my children will suffer.
I'm an AD O-3 with 15 years total time in service, 10 years active duty. I started my career as an enlisted reservist, and then crossed over in 2009 as an AD officer. Everything in my career was perfect until June of 2015. When I say perfect, I literally was THAT guy. NCO of the quarter at the Squadron, NCO of the Wing, CGO of the Quarter, GGO of the Year, award this, accolade that, #1 strat the whole nine years. My reputation was one of being strict, but fair. I've sent as many Airman to OTS as I have sent them back to the civilian world. I genuinely cared about the people under my charge.
In June of 2015 an event happened and I was under OSI investigation. Not wanting to go into the details of the event, the reader's digest version of it is: I was investigated for 8.5 months and no charges were ever preferred (not even a Article 32 hearing); however, due to the investigation I lost custody of my daughter.
I entered mental health treatment in March of 2015 for a work related issue, but luckily for me I was in treatment when the investigation happened.
In September of 2015, my world exploded, I had a massive bout of insomnia (100+ hours) and was sent to a VA Pysche Ward. That event, coupled with the on-going OSI investigation, drastically changed me. I basically withdrew from the world, was on more medication than I can remember (But some of the highlights include Lexapro, Trazedone, Vistrol, Seroquel, Doxepin, Remeron, & Zolpidem)
As the days turned into weeks turned into months, I began struggling cognitively with reading, function, etc. Several times during this period I took 5-12 days of leave (I had 70+ in the bank) which was totally out of character for me. I withdrew from my family, my marriage started to suffer, I began to get highly confrontational with anyone who got involved with me. A few times during this period I began cutting, basically practicing for a suicide attempt.
Fast Forward to Feb 2016, when the investigation closed, and I got orders to depart my duty station; which ultimately forced me to leave my daughter behind in foster care. I will note, that even though this investigation not a single piece of paper was given to me; not so much as a verbal counseling/LOC nothing.
I thought getting to my new duty station would help the situation, however, it didn't. I've been in treatment here (sometimes as many as x3 per week). I got tagged for a deployment, but my Mental Health team no-go'd that. I got a second deployment and they no-go'd that as well. At that point my commander initiated a CDE, but my mental health team basically trumped that and went right to an I-RILO.
My I-RILO was supposed to be off the base NLT 13 Feb; however, my doctor told me on Tuesday he still wasn't done with my NARSUM (even though he sword he'd be done with it).
I know they say you have to trust the process, but right now I'm not doing well mentally. I have periods of 40-50 hours where even on 4 different medications I get 0 hours of sleep. I've gained 35 pounds since October, and I doubt I am going to be able to maintain physical standards anymore. Coupled with my mental health disorder, I suffer from debilitating migraines where the room spins and I vomit. I have to take Nadolol and Amitriptyline nightly or I can't function the next day, and I have been described Zolmitriptan for migraines. I've also had my left shoulder operated on twice, and last April had to have an anchor in my upper arm to repair the bisceps tendon. So, my brain and my body have seen better days.
After all this time, I basically have no friends left because I just explode on people for no reason, my wife and I are divorcing, my career is shit-canned I've been told I will be a "Do Not Promote" on my PRF for Major this year due to the fact I'm not deployable and my leadership can't count on me to perform my job (which is odd, because they give me the hardest projects and then give me kudos in writing afterwards)
I don't want to be the guy who gives up on his career, but really at this point should I be directing my efforts to my post-military life? I'm just terrified that I will get separated without benefits and my children will suffer.