Hello,
I have made posts on here before, but I'm at a really unsure part in my service. I've been told that I won't be going under a MEB anymore due to the nature of my DOS being Aug 28. I was informed that my doctor was developing a report months ago. I understand that MEB's aren't a given and they are not a hand out, there for the big military needs and to separate individuals before their date and continuation of service. I've given countless 14 hour days, many sleepless nights, and six years of my life to the military. As I was preparing to transition into the reserves I went for my final physical and found many issues that weren't handled by my PCM. It slowly progressed into an understanding that my tiredness, achy pains all over my body, and headaches weren't just normal pains that were from the job but Fibromyalgia. As my body began to progressively worse I found myself 9 months out having severe pain that wasn't getting handled by a specialist and was prescribed a cocktail of medications ranging from uppers, muscle relaxers, and nueropathic medications for pain. Which as I began getting more check-ups came more understanding because the uppers/stimulants that they were giving me for my fatigue wasn't helping which then I was sent to a sleep specialist, which I was immediately informed that I also have Idiopathic Hypersomnia. From this I was told that I will always have to take stimulants to be able to find the motivation and clarity to understand what's going on. The reality began to sink in that my life was probably not going to be as easy as I thought years back when I came back from my deployment and made the decision that active duty wasn't for me as well as I wanted to try out a different AFSC. I was told as a young airmen that the mission comes first and that anything you can't hide take your Motrin wash them down with alcohol and throw some dirt on it. I also grew the understanding that the second you step into mental health being in the military wouldn't be a reality; they'd send me on my way and I could be sad on the outside of the gate. So I hid my depression that I was dealing with as I watched a countless number of my friends/service member's commit suicide, get KIA, and leave and get addicted to opiates and other drugs. I didn't talk about it, I drank the pain away and hoped that magically one day I would wake-up and feel better. Sadly, as many of you know it doesn't work like that, I deployed and a lot of fucked up things happened; family issues, friend issues, and isolation from other people I considered my fellow teammates, and many life-threatening events. I came back from this deployment more depressed, more anxious, and I had developed hallucinations. I began to start a long on-going psychosis which I started to talk to individuals that had died an I knew it, but they were staring me right in the face. Nightmares, panic attacks in heavily dense areas, and depression had become who I knew myself as. This all happened before my run in with my Fibromyalgia and Idiopathic Hypersomnia diagnosis. This depression got worse after I got these diagnosis, and I began to wonder what the point of life was. I went mental health when I first got back, because during my deployment I was forced to goto the chaplain. This was due to my section chief; concerned with my mental status as he stated," he's erratic and aggressive" (I also, got him fucked up by a really important individual in the Air Force. Regardless, he was right I began becoming very destructive and becoming very manic in which my mood couldn't be controlled and I started think homicidal thoughts. When I went mental health, I answered my survey the exact way I felt; not greeted by loving health care arms but by a psychotherapist who thought I was full of shit, well because of this experience I took up the drinking and began a long standing self-harm habit. I went again a year later, same result another civilian therapist same thoughts; I frankly lost my shit, I went to Patient Advocate because I couldn't take this lack of care. I was finally given a military doctor, at this point I had: Fibro, sleep disorder, psychosis, severe depression, terrible anxiety, suicidal thoughts, nightmares, and a eating disorder. I started out with a counselor who could only see me a few times before she went on maternity leave, which then placed me in the care of another military psychotherapist afterwards. I thought, we had a so-called understanding of each other; I answered my behavioral health forms 3 away from the max because I was scared of telling them that I was suicidal on paper. I say that because I told my therapist that I was suicidal many times, and that I was in severe pain from my Fibro as well as I couldn't sleep. Between him, my PCM, sleep doctor, and rheumatologist. I had neurotin, adderall XR, adderall IR, cymbalta, and vvyanse as my daily drugs. Well, the neurotin was cut short due to it not doing anything, then my mental health provider told me to quit the cymbalta as I lost the paper fear and put myself 1 point closer to the max on the behavioral health sheet. This was also added to the evidence of a journal in which I wrote down all my unfiltered thoughts and issues; this is where I talked about my severe depression an my several attempts at suicide. I was then, indirectly told that I would be going inpatient that I would go there only for 4 - 10 days. This became 28 day stay at the facility in which, caused me to get worse... Because my base wasn't communicating to the hospital which also wasn't a joy because my health records didn't come with me to that hospital so they had no idea what I was there for as well as my nephropathy pain. In this facility though, they diagnosed me with: MDD, Bi-polar Disorder cat two, PTSD severe with psychosis, and suicidal idealizations. I also left there with 7 new medications prescribe to me. The bad situation is when I got put in a situation that caused me to lose touch with reality (full psychosis) it brought memories that of trauma from my childhood and gave a bigger understanding to why my PTSD was so bad from deployment, I had blocked these out but inadvertently they had been triggered by issues over there but brought bad during my hospital stay. I came back to my base, found out I could no longer take my reserve position, a promised service dog recommendation was revoked due to so-called liabilities, name on high-interest listing, MEB canceled due to DOS date being to close and my mental health provider had switched to a new provider. I have been struggling to adjust from the in-patient setting as everyone at my base has sat here an made it very clear that they want know everything for gossip. My command, I feel has abandoned me. I sit around constantly depressed, all the people I knew from the inpatient facility have checked back in, and my manic moods have gotten worse since I've been out. So for diagnosis list: Fibromyalgia, Idiopathic hypersomnia, PTSD severe with psychosis, MDD, bipolar disorder, SLE Lupus (diagnosed inpatient), and heart arrhythmia (Inpatient issues), almost forgot loss of vision in right eye (inpatient issue). I'm not looking for pity, and I know the number to call for my suicidal crisis moments. I also have to thank the people who read my entire story; thanks for taking the time. My question for you guys and gals what do I do? All they've told me is that the VA will handle me, my concern isn't about money; money is great but I worried about well-being. I don't know what i'll do on the days I just can't get out of bed, it doesn't seem like anyone has anything good to say about the VA and I don't know how secondary insurance will be since I''m such a liability... -Another Service Member
I have made posts on here before, but I'm at a really unsure part in my service. I've been told that I won't be going under a MEB anymore due to the nature of my DOS being Aug 28. I was informed that my doctor was developing a report months ago. I understand that MEB's aren't a given and they are not a hand out, there for the big military needs and to separate individuals before their date and continuation of service. I've given countless 14 hour days, many sleepless nights, and six years of my life to the military. As I was preparing to transition into the reserves I went for my final physical and found many issues that weren't handled by my PCM. It slowly progressed into an understanding that my tiredness, achy pains all over my body, and headaches weren't just normal pains that were from the job but Fibromyalgia. As my body began to progressively worse I found myself 9 months out having severe pain that wasn't getting handled by a specialist and was prescribed a cocktail of medications ranging from uppers, muscle relaxers, and nueropathic medications for pain. Which as I began getting more check-ups came more understanding because the uppers/stimulants that they were giving me for my fatigue wasn't helping which then I was sent to a sleep specialist, which I was immediately informed that I also have Idiopathic Hypersomnia. From this I was told that I will always have to take stimulants to be able to find the motivation and clarity to understand what's going on. The reality began to sink in that my life was probably not going to be as easy as I thought years back when I came back from my deployment and made the decision that active duty wasn't for me as well as I wanted to try out a different AFSC. I was told as a young airmen that the mission comes first and that anything you can't hide take your Motrin wash them down with alcohol and throw some dirt on it. I also grew the understanding that the second you step into mental health being in the military wouldn't be a reality; they'd send me on my way and I could be sad on the outside of the gate. So I hid my depression that I was dealing with as I watched a countless number of my friends/service member's commit suicide, get KIA, and leave and get addicted to opiates and other drugs. I didn't talk about it, I drank the pain away and hoped that magically one day I would wake-up and feel better. Sadly, as many of you know it doesn't work like that, I deployed and a lot of fucked up things happened; family issues, friend issues, and isolation from other people I considered my fellow teammates, and many life-threatening events. I came back from this deployment more depressed, more anxious, and I had developed hallucinations. I began to start a long on-going psychosis which I started to talk to individuals that had died an I knew it, but they were staring me right in the face. Nightmares, panic attacks in heavily dense areas, and depression had become who I knew myself as. This all happened before my run in with my Fibromyalgia and Idiopathic Hypersomnia diagnosis. This depression got worse after I got these diagnosis, and I began to wonder what the point of life was. I went mental health when I first got back, because during my deployment I was forced to goto the chaplain. This was due to my section chief; concerned with my mental status as he stated," he's erratic and aggressive" (I also, got him fucked up by a really important individual in the Air Force. Regardless, he was right I began becoming very destructive and becoming very manic in which my mood couldn't be controlled and I started think homicidal thoughts. When I went mental health, I answered my survey the exact way I felt; not greeted by loving health care arms but by a psychotherapist who thought I was full of shit, well because of this experience I took up the drinking and began a long standing self-harm habit. I went again a year later, same result another civilian therapist same thoughts; I frankly lost my shit, I went to Patient Advocate because I couldn't take this lack of care. I was finally given a military doctor, at this point I had: Fibro, sleep disorder, psychosis, severe depression, terrible anxiety, suicidal thoughts, nightmares, and a eating disorder. I started out with a counselor who could only see me a few times before she went on maternity leave, which then placed me in the care of another military psychotherapist afterwards. I thought, we had a so-called understanding of each other; I answered my behavioral health forms 3 away from the max because I was scared of telling them that I was suicidal on paper. I say that because I told my therapist that I was suicidal many times, and that I was in severe pain from my Fibro as well as I couldn't sleep. Between him, my PCM, sleep doctor, and rheumatologist. I had neurotin, adderall XR, adderall IR, cymbalta, and vvyanse as my daily drugs. Well, the neurotin was cut short due to it not doing anything, then my mental health provider told me to quit the cymbalta as I lost the paper fear and put myself 1 point closer to the max on the behavioral health sheet. This was also added to the evidence of a journal in which I wrote down all my unfiltered thoughts and issues; this is where I talked about my severe depression an my several attempts at suicide. I was then, indirectly told that I would be going inpatient that I would go there only for 4 - 10 days. This became 28 day stay at the facility in which, caused me to get worse... Because my base wasn't communicating to the hospital which also wasn't a joy because my health records didn't come with me to that hospital so they had no idea what I was there for as well as my nephropathy pain. In this facility though, they diagnosed me with: MDD, Bi-polar Disorder cat two, PTSD severe with psychosis, and suicidal idealizations. I also left there with 7 new medications prescribe to me. The bad situation is when I got put in a situation that caused me to lose touch with reality (full psychosis) it brought memories that of trauma from my childhood and gave a bigger understanding to why my PTSD was so bad from deployment, I had blocked these out but inadvertently they had been triggered by issues over there but brought bad during my hospital stay. I came back to my base, found out I could no longer take my reserve position, a promised service dog recommendation was revoked due to so-called liabilities, name on high-interest listing, MEB canceled due to DOS date being to close and my mental health provider had switched to a new provider. I have been struggling to adjust from the in-patient setting as everyone at my base has sat here an made it very clear that they want know everything for gossip. My command, I feel has abandoned me. I sit around constantly depressed, all the people I knew from the inpatient facility have checked back in, and my manic moods have gotten worse since I've been out. So for diagnosis list: Fibromyalgia, Idiopathic hypersomnia, PTSD severe with psychosis, MDD, bipolar disorder, SLE Lupus (diagnosed inpatient), and heart arrhythmia (Inpatient issues), almost forgot loss of vision in right eye (inpatient issue). I'm not looking for pity, and I know the number to call for my suicidal crisis moments. I also have to thank the people who read my entire story; thanks for taking the time. My question for you guys and gals what do I do? All they've told me is that the VA will handle me, my concern isn't about money; money is great but I worried about well-being. I don't know what i'll do on the days I just can't get out of bed, it doesn't seem like anyone has anything good to say about the VA and I don't know how secondary insurance will be since I''m such a liability... -Another Service Member