I-RILO'd for Debilitating Chronic Pain in..

LostSouldier

PEB Forum Regular Member
Registered Member
Hello PEB Community members,
I'm in a really weird position and have been stonewalled everywhere I go. I don't believe this has been done on purpose. I believe this is more due to my unicorn of a situation.
First off, I'd like to start by thank you for taking the time to read my post here. I hope that the information I provide will suffice and give enough insight that you or a fellow member can shed some light in my dark times.

I'm going to omit major details as my case is open and I am feeling completely vulnerable, lost, and I don't want to give away my identity online.
I was recently I-RILO'd for debilitating chronic pain in my right groin, hip, and the nerve that connects from the hip and runs down to the knee. I can't sit nor stand for long periods of time. I can't bend, crawl, stretch, reach, twist, jump, kneel, basically can't human. I've been dealing with this for over 5 months post-surgery for a labrum repair in the hip along with a femoral head resurfacing all done arthroscopically. Pain has been god damn unimaginably brutal to where I've been fighting an uphill battle since the onset post-surgery. Pain management can't fix me, physical therapy has been unable to help manage pain but has helped some in range of motion, however, the biggest credit goes out to cupping and cold tooling for helping desensitize the heavy contact points on my right side to where wearing clothes is bothersome but not longer excoriating to where I'd rather be naked or dead.

What's really got me messed up is that I was supposed to recovery within a couple months and fairly pain free. And on top of that, I'm a new military member whose approaching his 2yr mark 2 weeks. I feel absolutely angry, confused, depressed, anxious, lost, and helpless. I have talked to my shirt in order to see if I could find out where they think my I-RILO will lead and given the issues I am having and work limitations along with the simple fact I can't perform my job even if i wanted to and I agree with the notion of being unfit for duty; there's a high likelihood that they're going to push for a MEB and I reluctantly agree. I would have loved to xtrain and be in a different job where my limitations don't keep me from helping protect and serve our country, but I guess I f84ked it up for myself and can't keep up my valor.

Anyway, personal feelings aside I want to ask hard to ask questions because I still haven't fully accepted anything MEB related as it still hasn't come down as final, yet...
Here we go...
In regards to being medically separated, I don't believe this will be the case given the circumstances of my limitations and potential ratings but it doesn't mean it can't happen. However, I understand separation is for those with a rating of <30%. But when it comes to being medically retired, that's for those with a rating greater and/or equal to 30%. I spoke to my shirt about this and I tried to figure out how that works as I don't understand medical retirement from the military as a 2yr A1C. (Joined right out the gate as an A1C due to college credits). I am part of the Blended Retirement System and contribute to both roth and tradition IRAs in the TSP. I can't see how I can qualify for medical retirement or how to calculate any estimates in that regard. If someone could please link me some sources as I've used google/bing/youtube/afportal and leadership for guidance and as I said before, been stonewalled. Perhaps I'm not asking the right questions but this is unknown-unknown territory for me. I don't have a network of veterans who know how any of this works and it seems to be a common theme in my direct line of individuals.

Along with that, what types of questions, red flags, should I look out for as to ask and to avoid? Who should I be wary of if there is anyone? I've been working closely with a couple Majors in Medical on base throughout my entire nightmare of injury to surgery to 'recovery'. I'm terribly scared of being medboarded due to this because it's not at all how I thought my career would go. I absolutely love being part of the effort to protect our nation 24/7 and thrive in that sacrifice and comradery. I'm heartbroken over it and have finally sought out mental health in ways of learning to cope with the chronic pain and the challenge of never being whole again.

Again, thank you for reading my ramblings, I want to thank anyone who posts a helpful link ahead of time. I will be checking back to this post periodically to reply to questions/concerns in case it is required but I will try to keep anonymity throughout this and I hope everyone can respect that.
 
Lost,

I completely understand what you are going through. I also have Chronic pain and have been taking opiates for almost a year. I am at 18yrs in the service and they have recommended a full MEB on me. The only reason for the MEB is because of the medications I take that the doctor prescribed because nothing else works especially.....Motrin LOL. I on the other hand am able to do my job fully while taking the medication with no problems. If your medical team has recommended a MEB more than likely that will be the case. I had a retain recommendation from my CC and they are still pressing forward. After IRILO comes back from AFPC you will have an answer. If your answer is MEB you will be assigned a PEBLO where all of your questions can be answered. For now if you want to look at ratings go to ecfr.gov to view them go to Title 38 part 4.
 
Lost,

I completely understand what you are going through. I also have Chronic pain and have been taking opiates for almost a year. I am at 18yrs in the service and they have recommended a full MEB on me. The only reason for the MEB is because of the medications I take that the doctor prescribed because nothing else works especially.....Motrin LOL. I on the other hand am able to do my job fully while taking the medication with no problems. If your medical team has recommended a MEB more than likely that will be the case. I had a retain recommendation from my CC and they are still pressing forward. After IRILO comes back from AFPC you will have an answer. If your answer is MEB you will be assigned a PEBLO where all of your questions can be answered. For now if you want to look at ratings go to ecfr.gov to view them go to Title 38 part 4.
Thank you for your response, Nightrider. Chronic pain and my BS meds aren't opioids. They refuse to give me anything strong and unfortunately my one, personal hope, Lyrica was denied twice and when I finally had it approved thanks to my PCM advocating for it on my civilian and my own behalf I turn out to be dangerously allergic to it. Now I'm stuck on Gabapentin 300mg, Topamax 25mg, and Methocarbamol 500mg. I was recently stopped and frisked by a Maj and TSgt at medical for "not knowing how to use your cane and over compensating for the injured hip". I don't think they know what they're talking about or else for the last 3+months of physical therapy at two different locations with 3 different therapists along with 5 different medical staff. NOT A SINGLE ONE had said a thing about my cane use before. But explaining that wasn't good enough and apparently trying to walk away from them was also a bad choice even though I wasn't doing anything wrong and had an appoint to go to. No, no, I done goofed somehow and got forced into a wheelchair and rolled to my appointment. In hindsight, I probably should have been way more verbally aggressive and pulled out my medical waiver but I wasn't thinking clearly with all the eff-shee that was going on mixed with my uncontrolled pain. I'm still not completely recovered from that trauma. All i wanted to do was see my BHOP psych for my initial to learn about possible coping tools for living with this insane chronic pain.

I appreciate the website, I pulled it up before posting the above. It looks like it links to some legalities which makes me wonder whether or not now would be the time to start talking to some Lawyers that specialize in.... is it Veteran Affairs?

On a separate note, I want to thank you for your service of 18 hard years! A full MEB will take some time to complete and depending on how long that gets drawn out. Maybe they can give a full 20 year separation. I think you are much more entitled to that level of post service care than myself. One of my Medical Staff Majors told me that if I was ever prescribed opioids regardless of any benefit that it would eventually lead to a MEB. To me, that's absolutely stupid. However, if I look through the eyes of the military as a task force and not some 9-5 even though it can start feeling like one. The picture is clear that soldiers who require medication to perform to a natural person's ability have no place on the battle field nor supporting the mission in times of war as they pose a direct risk to both mission and safety of personnel.
Nevertheless, i have never felt a more heartbreaking, mental turmoil force than the reality that you(I) cannot and will not ever be as you ever were before and now you must adapt in a way that is both natural and unnatural.
I have a wait to endure before I hear back from leadership about what comes of the I-RILO. Until then I suppose I am focusing on something that doesn't require this much attention. Saying and understanding this is one thing but calming the anxiety behind the reality of it is another.
Nevertheless, i appreciate you leveling with me, giving me a really awesome resource although I don't understand what part(s) i am being rated for, and I've seen a PEBLO officer before because one of my Shop Chiefs said that if I didn't correct my act and get into a normal work flow again then the DAWG was going to boot me. Well, I didn't know what that was nor what that was and he did a terrible job explaining it, but I can't fix this part of me and have been doing everything I physically can to 'correct my act' so I wouldn't get I-RILO'd. But here I am.

I can't change the cards I have been dealt. I can learn to accept them and learn through trial and error to play my hand as best as possible to survive and then thrive. I think I many ways I am able to cope but there are some confrontations about the situation I haven't thought about that completely throw me off my center. I know I've been venting here a bit too much for a first time conversation. However, I've had my guard up for so long before that I'd rather come out raw and brutally honest in everything to see where I can find the wise in the hard times when those who hold wisdom would otherwise withhold their knowledge. With that said, is BHOP reporting my state of mental health to medical and does that question even make sense? I'm not worried about anything being on the record. I am FAR, FAR, FAR from suicidal. I only have issues with dealing with these limitations and need guidance as to how I can overcome them to still reach same outcome. I love my life. I don't hate myself. I hate a part of my body that thinks on its own and acts on its own. I would love that part to calm itself down and become one with me again like before. But it battles against me every step of the way. And that NEW reality that it even is a thing your own body can do is mind boggling and challenging to learn to live with. And that's where I am on my road to recovery on the mental health aspect of it.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. I hope your full MEB goes in your favor and plays out exactly as you would want it to even though I'm sure you'd love it best to finish up 2 more years on opioids as they allow you to function to your fullest. I hope I can reach out to you in the future for some possible guidance and words of wisdom. I promise I will try to keep the dramatics down and keep it simple if I do.
 
Lost,

have you talked to patient advocacy? It took me 6 months to get off base see different specialists instead of the base medical hobby shop. My case had to be evaluated by the medical group head of medicine and that’s when things started changing for me. I too was stonewalled by Docs not wanting to do shit for me. By the way I have been taking lyrica for almost a year and it hasn’t done shit for me. I was also prescribed every muscle relaxer known to man and they didn’t work either. The Docs on base referred me to an MEB when not all options have been exhausted and it makes me mad. It’s like here’s some pills good luck with recovery. I have been looking through the AFIs to see if my rights have been violated in any way. I hope all goes well for you as well.
 
Lost,

have you talked to patient advocacy? It took me 6 months to get off base see different specialists instead of the base medical hobby shop. My case had to be evaluated by the medical group head of medicine and that’s when things started changing for me. I too was stonewalled by Docs not wanting to do shit for me. By the way I have been taking lyrica for almost a year and it hasn’t done shit for me. I was also prescribed every muscle relaxer known to man and they didn’t work either. The Docs on base referred me to an MEB when not all options have been exhausted and it makes me mad. It’s like here’s some pills good luck with recovery. I have been looking through the AFIs to see if my rights have been violated in any way. I hope all goes well for you as well.

Night,

I had a good chuckle at the medical hobby shop comment. You couldn't be more accurate at describing it. No, I have yet to seek out patient advocacy. I have been working with a Medical Case manager whose been helping me get referrals approved to get a real 2nd opinion with someone who is a proven specialist. The problem is the drive down is easily over 6 hrs and I can hardly handle sitting.

I have my 2nd opinion setup for next month but need the medical TDY to get up channeled and approved. Until then I need to stand by but I've been getting into trouble due to my meds messing me up and getting major mood swings and trying to inspire some more handsome leadership in my fellow airmen in my shop and getting great support from my shop chief but getting some flak by my shift lead due to the unprofessional behavior/misconduct I exemplified. I regret it, corrected it, and apologized. End of the day, I want to continue helping ease synergy as a force to continue putting warheads on foreheads at the drop of a hat. I believe in my fellow airmen, ncos, sncos, but we need re-training on what proper training looks like along with time management, prioritization, and communication. I don't understand some of these processes and I've spoke freely with massive support from our Chief that I'm acting like an E8 and to look into TTPS/AMMOS.

Back to the point, I was also told to fuQ off by the Chief and focus on getting my benefits from the VA and should have been getting in touch with them as soon as I started the I-RILO. Feels like there's always new information and routes to take and never enough time. Been really fuQd on my sleep cycles and I wish places had hotlines open 24/7 so I could call in the late hours of the night where I'm not able to do anything else but enjoy the company of misery. I have full days planned on weekdays to accomplish as much as possible. Sometimes I over do it though and the next day my body just can't deal with it. Mentally I'm straight but somehow my body refuses to continue on. I absolutely hate it. I've never felt more locked inside my own personal jail cell than I have now and BHOP is telling me with print outs that my pain should calm down as I get more rational.

I've had plenty of time before BHOP to get a grip on how I am operating emotionally. Anxiety, depression, and physically limitations are all root causes for frustration and agitation but they're not the primary factors to my pain and for some reason that's not getting across. Perhaps it is time to visit patient advocacy to see what they do. But I think I should have seen them sooner and now it's been long enough for the hobby shop to get creative and are passing me off since they had their fun.

I do want to say thanks for responding so quickly and apologize for the delay but I had nothing to report until recently. Thank you for following up.
 
I-RILO returned with Full MEB, concurred w/ CC statements. Saw a new doctor and turns out the chronic pain isn't fictional it's structural. Have new evidence supporting my prior injury and being told to do a PAO to fix my hip. Good amount of risk and I'm not keen on rolling those dice. Have bilateral impingement still. Pain is still constant and medications prescribed still aren't helping. Feels as though I'm taking medication just for the sake of taking it. Hoping to get better doses and possibly even some real injections that focus on my site of injury.

Have my first briefing soon and have no idea what to expect. Have a hundred questions and 0 answers yet. Hope my dialogue helps someone.
 
How are you doing?
Thank you for asking and I apologize for the delayed response.
How am I doing? I'm somewhere between majorly depressed, numb, and feeling stuck in time and finally reaching the end of the marathon.
Some updates:
Medication hasn't changed my pain and my current pain management team doesn't offer any other medications and expressed that I should consider surgery again. I'm anti-surgery because of the 50/50 success rate and piss poor bedside manners by the teams I've come across.
I've been contacted through a 3rd party contractor to do my C&P Exams. I've gone through 2 out of 4 and they're varying experiences.
I still need 1 of them scheduled and it has been pushed back due to "Pending an event". I'm assuming that's code for an opening for an appointment because they said that before for one of my exams and then called me a week later to schedule.
Once I finish these exams I will have my entire medical history reviewed and be given a DoD and VA rating. The VA rating is the only one I truly qualify for due to my short time in service.
After that, it's accepting the rating, get my DoS(Date of Separation), taking my leave, and out processing.
I'm still lost as to what I can do back in the civilian sector and I don't know whether or not I can afford a move to get out of my current Sate to a cheaper one. I don't have answers regarding my own future and what's truly possible. I think when I get my rating that will change. I'd like to stay here but the wife absolutely HATES it here. I'd also like warmer weather but I hate both coasts. Who knows what'll happen.

I miss working with my shop and the job itself. I'm stuck doing tool room and inventory management. I resent the commentary I hear from some saying "You're so lucky", "You have it good", "I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat", etc. -- I don't have it great and I wouldn't want anyone to go through this bullshit.
Through their own lens, I can say I get what they mean. They're not happy with their job, life, and are forced to do their day to day which sucks. Swapping places w/ me is their way of expressing their desire to get out sooner instead of later. They'd happily take a medboard to get out of service.

At any rate, the process is moving along and the time frame for everything is completely out of wack comparatively to others due to Covid19. That's been delaying the processes for the longest as things were shutdown and inaccessible. Now I am responsible for 80% of my PEBLO's job because they don't have access to any of the 3rd party VA Contractor's information.

Here's to moving towards the end of the tunnel and seeing what's next....
God Speed to everyone!
 
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