Keep it up! It’s never easy to admit there are issues and even harder to get help you are doing the best thing for yourself. I ask myself the same questions but then I remember the reasons why I keep going everyday and it helps.
PTSD, MDD w/ SI and the Whole Shebang.
- Thread starter zazoo
- Start date
Hey everyone, just checking in. Things were improving, but then old stuff resurfaced. Depression’s turned chronic and resistant. SI’s become automatic. Docs are trying—five therapies, new meds, possible hospitalization in the works—but no clear progress. I feel bad for them.
Physically falling apart too. Profiles stacking up. They want to keep me in, but I don’t know for how long. Still hopeful… but seriously considering stepping back from the military.
Thanks for the space.
Physically falling apart too. Profiles stacking up. They want to keep me in, but I don’t know for how long. Still hopeful… but seriously considering stepping back from the military.
Thanks for the space.
Sometimes we have to go. This may be your time. Most all of us here on this board have gone through our own version. We serve. We did our jobs. We had to move on to the next chapter of life.
Honestly, look outside of the box of traditional western medicine and counseling. I was suicidal for decades and the things that brought me relief and greater clarity of thoughts was Ketamine (at a clinic, not the street drug) and Ayahuasca, at a retreat with facilitators. This was after 13 years of nothing but pain and misery while I was placed on and off (after each one either didn’t work or the side effects were too horrible) 20 different prescription psych meds in that time…
I’m not totally healed but I’ve turned a corner and made some big improvements.
I’m not totally healed but I’ve turned a corner and made some big improvements.
Appreciate you both.
I hear you. Each of us walks our own version of the long road. What you shared rings true: we served, we did our jobs, and sometimes the next chapter just arrives. Also appreciate the nudge to look outside the usual lanes. Standard care hasn’t always delivered, and it helps to hear what’s actually moved the needle for others. I don’t know how this plays out yet, but the next few weeks may open a clearer, better path forward, perhaps a good "way out."
P.S. Still flagged on the At-Risk List for MH. They’re now talking possible inpatient for depression. Not what I hoped for, but maybe it’s time. I’ve done the work. Just trying to get honest about what’s sustainable—and what’s not.
I hear you. Each of us walks our own version of the long road. What you shared rings true: we served, we did our jobs, and sometimes the next chapter just arrives. Also appreciate the nudge to look outside the usual lanes. Standard care hasn’t always delivered, and it helps to hear what’s actually moved the needle for others. I don’t know how this plays out yet, but the next few weeks may open a clearer, better path forward, perhaps a good "way out."
P.S. Still flagged on the At-Risk List for MH. They’re now talking possible inpatient for depression. Not what I hoped for, but maybe it’s time. I’ve done the work. Just trying to get honest about what’s sustainable—and what’s not.
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Just got word I’ve been referred to AMRO.
Doesn’t look great—poor prognosis, they say. Didn’t make it this round.
Not exactly the ending I hoped for, but maybe it’s the start of some real healing—just not in uniform.
Appreciate the journey. Stay sharp out there.
Doesn’t look great—poor prognosis, they say. Didn’t make it this round.
Not exactly the ending I hoped for, but maybe it’s the start of some real healing—just not in uniform.
Appreciate the journey. Stay sharp out there.
Keep your head. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you. Do something great with it again!
DoD vs VA.... Previously under LDES the DoD rated under its own rules. Now under IDES the DoD is required to use the VA standards for ratings. The primary difference being that while they utilize the same rating standards, the DoD only rates conditions that prohibit a service member from completing their MOS/job. Whereas the VA will rate all conditions that are service connected.
Good morning.
Maybe I’m overthinking. I don't know. In the past I wanted to quit and inquired how to start a med board (see my earlier posts). Now, after I got notified about AMRO referral for MEB, I’m feeling super anxious and depressed about possibly dropping what I’ve done for the last six years and what was at least in the beginning, giving me a purpose (military.)
Now with the recent news, I’ve started thinking about potential DoD and VA ratings. I know it’s early and hard to predict, but I looked over the MH DBQ and compared it with my symptoms. Here’s the list of what I already get treatment for:
- Depressed Mood - almost all the time
- Anxiety
- Suspiciousness - that one is a sucker
- Panic attacks that occur weekly or less often
- Chronic sleep impairment - that is exhausting
- Mild memory loss, such as forgetting names, directions or recent events
- Flattened affect
- Difficulty in understanding complex commands - happening more and more often, I have to take notes
- Disturbances of motivation and mood
- Difficulty in establishing and maintaining effective work and social relationships
- Difficulty adapting to stressful circumstances, including work or a work like setting
- Inability to establish and maintain effective relationships
- Suicidal ideation - daily, chronic, persistent
- Impaired impulse control, such as unprovoked irritability with periods of violence - more, and more often
- Persistent danger of hurting self or others - bouncing between moderate and high
- Intermittent inability to perform activities of daily living, including maintenance of minimal personal hygiene
The only two things I still push myself to do are basic hygiene and staying professional at work. Never overslept (hard to do that if you wake up in the middle of the night.) Everything else—I’ve either let go of or just can’t do anymore. I try to follow all the docs’ advice. I’m in four therapies right now (including repeating CBT-PS), and even put a few hundred bucks into old hobbies to jumpstart motivation. Still nothing. My day is mostly: work, home, food, doze, drink, sleep, nightmares, trying to sleep, early wake-up. I can’t seem to be proactive, but I do force myself to do things that should feel good.
After trying to reengage in life, they hit me with an AMRO referral and said there should be some level of compensation for life. What do you all think that compensation could look like? (DoD and VA if possible)
Note: I’ve got a bunch of physical diagnoses too, but just want to focus on the MH piece here.
Maybe I’m overthinking. I don't know. In the past I wanted to quit and inquired how to start a med board (see my earlier posts). Now, after I got notified about AMRO referral for MEB, I’m feeling super anxious and depressed about possibly dropping what I’ve done for the last six years and what was at least in the beginning, giving me a purpose (military.)
Now with the recent news, I’ve started thinking about potential DoD and VA ratings. I know it’s early and hard to predict, but I looked over the MH DBQ and compared it with my symptoms. Here’s the list of what I already get treatment for:
- Depressed Mood - almost all the time
- Anxiety
- Suspiciousness - that one is a sucker
- Panic attacks that occur weekly or less often
- Chronic sleep impairment - that is exhausting
- Mild memory loss, such as forgetting names, directions or recent events
- Flattened affect
- Difficulty in understanding complex commands - happening more and more often, I have to take notes
- Disturbances of motivation and mood
- Difficulty in establishing and maintaining effective work and social relationships
- Difficulty adapting to stressful circumstances, including work or a work like setting
- Inability to establish and maintain effective relationships
- Suicidal ideation - daily, chronic, persistent
- Impaired impulse control, such as unprovoked irritability with periods of violence - more, and more often
- Persistent danger of hurting self or others - bouncing between moderate and high
- Intermittent inability to perform activities of daily living, including maintenance of minimal personal hygiene
The only two things I still push myself to do are basic hygiene and staying professional at work. Never overslept (hard to do that if you wake up in the middle of the night.) Everything else—I’ve either let go of or just can’t do anymore. I try to follow all the docs’ advice. I’m in four therapies right now (including repeating CBT-PS), and even put a few hundred bucks into old hobbies to jumpstart motivation. Still nothing. My day is mostly: work, home, food, doze, drink, sleep, nightmares, trying to sleep, early wake-up. I can’t seem to be proactive, but I do force myself to do things that should feel good.
After trying to reengage in life, they hit me with an AMRO referral and said there should be some level of compensation for life. What do you all think that compensation could look like? (DoD and VA if possible)
Note: I’ve got a bunch of physical diagnoses too, but just want to focus on the MH piece here.
There are a lot of factors that go into a VA/DoD rating for mental health beyond just an estimated symptom list. It would be a disservice to you for me to guess a number. Maybe just look through these forums for people that have confirmed ratings and have shared their symptomology combined with history and how much it interfered with their actual job.
Four years of depression, SI, insomnia… started as MDD severe, now magically changed to Adjustment Disorder. Adjustment Disorder is supposed to be short-term.
What’s the point of switching diagnoses like this?
Should I be worried? Why such change during pre-IDES stage?
PS: Cannot recover from my depression and chronic thoughts of suicide... Afraid of falling asleep and having a dream about killing myself. F... nightmare within a nightmare.
What’s the point of switching diagnoses like this?
Should I be worried? Why such change during pre-IDES stage?
PS: Cannot recover from my depression and chronic thoughts of suicide... Afraid of falling asleep and having a dream about killing myself. F... nightmare within a nightmare.
I went through something similar and felt super lost at first. What helped was talking to someone who really got it. If you're in Florida, this might be helpful: Florida Mental Health Hotline | 866-903-3787. They can guide you to local support without it being a huge ordeal.
Thanks.
Still waiting on AFPC to get back with a decision.
PS: Symptoms keep creeping up no matter what. Went from insomnia to hypersomnia with weird nightmares I can’t wake up from. Exhaustion’s unreal. Isolated from coworkers and hate myself for it. Don’t care about the job, my looks, or fitness anymore — profile’s already stacked for spine and other stuff. Feels like the end. SI seems like an "escape from reality" whenever that happens. Last weekend already began prepping for an ER --> in-patient stay, but somehow persevered.
On top of that, starting to get paranoid about the delays with AFPC, the NARSUM, and CIS. It does feel like the end.
Still waiting on AFPC to get back with a decision.
PS: Symptoms keep creeping up no matter what. Went from insomnia to hypersomnia with weird nightmares I can’t wake up from. Exhaustion’s unreal. Isolated from coworkers and hate myself for it. Don’t care about the job, my looks, or fitness anymore — profile’s already stacked for spine and other stuff. Feels like the end. SI seems like an "escape from reality" whenever that happens. Last weekend already began prepping for an ER --> in-patient stay, but somehow persevered.
On top of that, starting to get paranoid about the delays with AFPC, the NARSUM, and CIS. It does feel like the end.
32 days since DPMNR got the docs. Dead silence. Anxiety’s cosmic.
Still doing MH treatment — prognosis keeps coming back “poor.”
Have had SI today but didn’t tell the doc… scared they’d throw me in a hospital. That’d be the end of my hope.
Trying to stay busy, distract myself, not think about the illness… but it’s bigger than me.
Still doing MH treatment — prognosis keeps coming back “poor.”
Have had SI today but didn’t tell the doc… scared they’d throw me in a hospital. That’d be the end of my hope.
Trying to stay busy, distract myself, not think about the illness… but it’s bigger than me.